Daffy: Welcome to epithode #8 of The Looney Tunes Show Fan Mail, hothted by yours truly, me! The greatetht and motht rethpected--"
Crusher: *Punches Daffy*
Daffy: *Hits Wall* "Oh, jutht athk thumb questions already!"
Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Doctor Bugs: Sylvester Junior, where the Heck are you? Sometimes you are with your father, other times you are mysteriously absent. What's the story?'"
Sylvester: "Don't judge me. I don't want my thun theeing me get beat up by a tiny, little bird."
Junior: "What was that, Father?"
Sylvester: "Uh, nothing."
Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: Foghorn - which came 1st, the chicken or the egg?'"
Foghorn: "That's, I say, that's easy: the chicken came 1st. Then the chicken ate the egg."
Daffy: "How's that for irony?"
[Crusher picks up iron]
Daffy: "Not that iron!"
[Crusher groans; puts iron down]
Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: Dear Bugs, what do you like most 'bout carrots?'"
Bugs: "Simple: they're good for you. Unlike Daffy's cartoons. Hehehehe."
Daffy: "You're dethpicable."
Bugs: "Ain't I a stinker?"
Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Doctor Bugs: 'Daffy, what do you HATE most about Tina?'"
Bugs: "Besides knowing that she gets paid to pretend to like you?"
Daffy: "I hate you."
Bugs: "Don't hate the player, hate the game."
[Crusher smashes Monopoly board]
Bugs: "See? Like that."
Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: Dear Bugs, Daffy, and pretty much everybody on the show- Do you like Mr. Bean?"
Pete: "Duh, beans give you gas. Eeeeeh!"
Bugs: "Especially Daffy's beans. He-he-he!"
[Daffy groans in anger]
Daffy: "Thith question was, once again, athked by Teleram: 'Well, I can't say the answer was satisfactory... but I guess it's hard to think of an answer and make it funny. Speaking of which, can I do the next ep?'"
Bugs: "Uh, Daffy, I don't think that question was meant for us. I think it was meant for the producer, Doctor Bugs."
Daffy: "Doctor Bugs? WHY ARE THERE THO MANY RABBITS HERE?"
Sam: "Keep it quiet in there! How am I supposed to rob this bank with all the noise you're a-makin'?"
[Cops arrive and chase Sam]
Daffy [walks offstage]: "I'm taking 5."
Daffy: "I'm back." [Clears throat] "Thith question was athked by Doctor Bugs: 'Bugs, please answer this question descriptably as possible. What's your opinion of Rrpear?"'
Bugs: "Basically, he's as respectable as Elmer."
Elmer: "Hey, what're you saying?"
Bugs: "Just roll with it, Doc. You get paid, remember?"
Daffy: "As long as you don't inthult the executives, that is."
Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: 'You made 2 accounts? Why?"'
Bugs: "You sure you're not a genuine 'smart-aleck,' Daffy?"
Daffy: "That depends; do thmart-alecks get paid?"
Bugs: "Only minimum wage."
Daffy: "Then no; I am not a thmart-aleck."
Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: 'Speedy Gonzales, why are you so fast?'"
Speedy: "ACME Speed Tacos."
Daffy: "Wow, you're quick."
Bugs: "Really, Daffy? Really?"
Daffy: "Hey, I'm not thmart, alright? I can barely poke a thtraw in a Capri-Thun Pouch."
[Crusher tries futilely to poke straw in Capri-Sun Pouch]
Crusher: "It's so haaaaard!" [Cries]
Daffy: "I know, right?" [Cries]
Bugs: "Oh, brother." [Rolls eyes]
Daffy: "Thith final question was athked by Doctor Bugs: 'Pete Puma, since Stan Freberg is still alive, why isn't he voicing you on The Looney Tunes Show?!'"
Pete: "Duh, I think he said it was because they wouldn't pay him enough or something."
Bugs: "Funny; that's exactly why Daffy didn't attend Mel Blanc's 75th birthday all those years ago. Hehehehe!"
Daffy: "O.K., thath it. Show's over. Thtutter away, Porky."
Porky: "Th-th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!"
[Cops continue chasing Sam]
Cop #1: "Freeze, dirtbag!"
Sam: "No, I didn't do anything wrong, I swear! AHHHHH!"
|Rarity4President||Pete Puma, Yosemite Sam, Speedy Gonzales|
Daffy Duck, The Crusher, Elmer Fudd, Sylvester, Sylvester Junior, Porky Pig
|Doctor Bugs||Bugs Bunny|