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The Looney Tunes Show Fan Mail

Title card

Opening

Daffy: Welcome to epithode #8 of The Looney Tunes Show Fan Mail, hothted by yours truly, me! The greatetht and motht rethpected--"

Crusher: *Punches Daffy*

Daffy: *Hits Wall* "Oh, jutht athk thumb questions already!"

Question #1

Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Doctor Bugs: Sylvester Junior, where the Heck are you? Sometimes you are with your father, other times you are mysteriously absent. What's the story?'"

Sylvester: "Don't judge me. I don't want my thun theeing me get beat up by a tiny, little bird."

Junior: "What was that, Father?"

Sylvester: "Uh, nothing."

Question #2

Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: Foghorn - which came 1st, the chicken or the egg?'"

Foghorn: "That's, I say, that's easy: the chicken came 1st. Then the chicken ate the egg."

Daffy: "How's that for irony?"

[Crusher picks up iron]

Daffy: "Not that iron!"

[Crusher groans; puts iron down]

Question #3

Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: Dear Bugs, what do you like most 'bout carrots?'"

Bugs: "Simple: they're good for you. Unlike Daffy's cartoons. Hehehehe."

Daffy: "You're dethpicable."

Bugs: "Ain't I a stinker?"

Question #4

Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Doctor Bugs: 'Daffy, what do you HATE most about Tina?'"

Bugs: "Besides knowing that she gets paid to pretend to like you?"

Daffy: "I hate you."

Bugs: "Don't hate the player, hate the game."

[Crusher smashes Monopoly board]

Bugs: "See? Like that."

Question #5

Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: Dear Bugs, Daffy, and pretty much everybody on the show- Do you like Mr. Bean?"

Pete: "Duh, beans give you gas. Eeeeeh!"

Bugs: "Especially Daffy's beans. He-he-he!"

[Daffy groans in anger]

Question #6

Daffy: "Thith question was, once again, athked by Teleram: 'Well, I can't say the answer was satisfactory... but I guess it's hard to think of an answer and make it funny. Speaking of which, can I do the next ep?'"

Bugs: "Uh, Daffy, I don't think that question was meant for us. I think it was meant for the producer, Doctor Bugs."

Daffy: "Doctor Bugs? WHY ARE THERE THO MANY RABBITS HERE?"

Sam: "Keep it quiet in there! How am I supposed to rob this bank with all the noise you're a-makin'?"

[Cops arrive and chase Sam]

Daffy [walks offstage]: "I'm taking 5."

Question #7

Daffy: "I'm back." [Clears throat] "Thith question was athked by Doctor Bugs: 'Bugs, please answer this question descriptably as possible. What's your opinion of Rrpear?"'

Bugs: "Basically, he's as respectable as Elmer."

Elmer: "Hey, what're you saying?"

Bugs: "Just roll with it, Doc. You get paid, remember?"

Daffy: "As long as you don't inthult the executives, that is."

Question #8

Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: 'You made 2 accounts? Why?"'

Bugs: "You sure you're not a genuine 'smart-aleck,' Daffy?"

Daffy: "That depends; do thmart-alecks get paid?"

Bugs: "Only minimum wage."

Daffy: "Then no; I am not a thmart-aleck."

Question #9

Daffy: "Thith question was athked by Teleram: 'Speedy Gonzales, why are you so fast?'"

Speedy: "ACME Speed Tacos."

Daffy: "Wow, you're quick."

[Awkward silence]

Bugs: "Really, Daffy? Really?"

Daffy: "Hey, I'm not thmart, alright? I can barely poke a thtraw in a Capri-Thun Pouch."

[Crusher tries futilely to poke straw in Capri-Sun Pouch]

Crusher: "It's so haaaaard!" [Cries]

Daffy: "I know, right?" [Cries]

Bugs: "Oh, brother." [Rolls eyes]

Question #10

Daffy: "Thith final question was athked by Doctor Bugs: 'Pete Puma, since Stan Freberg is still alive, why isn't he voicing you on The Looney Tunes Show?!'"

Pete: "Duh, I think he said it was because they wouldn't pay him enough or something."

Bugs: "Funny; that's exactly why Daffy didn't attend Mel Blanc's 75th birthday all those years ago. Hehehehe!"

Daffy: "O.K., thath it. Show's over. Thtutter away, Porky."

Porky: "Th-th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!"

[Cops continue chasing Sam]

Cop #1: "Freeze, dirtbag!"

Sam: "No, I didn't do anything wrong, I swear! AHHHHH!"

Voice Cast

Voice Artist Character(s)
Rarity4President Pete Puma, Yosemite Sam, Speedy Gonzales
Teleram

Daffy Duck, The Crusher, Elmer Fudd, Sylvester, Sylvester Junior, Porky Pig

Doctor Bugs Bugs Bunny
ProfessorDuck Cops

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